Fast Food Chains Tout “Poulation Control” as Key Benefit of Food Product!!!

“We are really pleased to learn after years of diligent  scientific research, that our food product is actually a great part of the solution towards a more sustainable planet.” Speaking to a recently released report on behalf of his internationally successful fast food chain he continues “…We have found beyond any reasonable doubt or misconception that our food by its very nature causes people to die younger and faster. The incredible amount of salt, hydrogenated oils and sugar in our product is actually a critical  mass of death inducing food product. This product is proven, to after time, substantially reduce the population, thereby creating more room for the rest of us. Anyone stupid enough to consume our products on a daily basis will be removed from the increasingly crowded earth, leaving all of us rich and smarter people to enjoy. We are really proud to say that we can join the greater movement towards a more sustainable planet and provide such a needed solution to the population crisis. Thank you, and please enjoy some potato slices fried in pork fat along with a nice acid based bubbling sugar tonic. Gotta just love the way it makes you feel!!!!”

When later asked about the effect his restaurants and their earth polluting agribusiness production partners had on the greater population of people who don’t eat there he said “I don’t remember that part of the analysis…besides I live on an organic farm in Southern France, and have my cooks prepare only the freshest and local food available. We supply a demand. People want our delicious and easy pre-assembled meals, and their kids love the little plastic toys we give them free. I will tell the feed lots and mono-croppers who supply our stores to start changing their practices when I stop seeing a line of 20 SUV’s lined up for lunchtime at the drive thru window in every one of our 10,000 locations, each and every day of every year. Man..you gotta love the way it makes you feel!!”

One reporter on site asked “The way what makes you feel??”…to which the spokesperson replied “what?…oh I was just talking into my bluetooth. Are we live???”

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